Guilty Conscience
by Otaku1811
Summary: A look into Kagome's past...and how her father REALLY died...(Lots of mind torture here ^_^)


Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha, but I do own the twisted mind that is writing him and the others into this angst-ridden one-shot fic.  
  
AN: This is just a mess of ideas I had floating around in my head for the past few days, and quite simply, it's all about what happens when a crazy otaku takes everyone's most used character and tears her mind apart. Okay, that sounded too sadistic. The original title was going to be 'Shit Happens,' but that doesn't sound serious enough, does it? ^^;; This is actually just a story to delve into Kagome's past and let us get to know her father, A.K.A. the non-existent one, while also containing a semi- descent plot (I hope). Anyway, this story is depressing, and semi-gory / violent, so if you don't like angst, turn back NOW.  
  
Japanese Translation:  
  
Nee-Chan- Sister.  
  
Kitsune- Fox Demon.  
  
Youkai- Demon.  
  
Hanyou- Half-Demon.  
  
Shikon No Tama- Jewel Of Four Souls.  
  
Miko- Priestess.  
  
Italics - voices in a character's head / memory of someone speaking.  
  
'...' - Thoughts.  
  
~~~~~~ - Flashback.  
  
Guilty Conscience  
  
By Otaku-Chan ^_~  
  
Synopsis: Kagome Higurashi. She seems like an average teenaged girl, minus her adventures in the Senkogu Jidai era, but beneath the surface, a dark shadow of a painful past incident still lingers, haunting her memories, and making the weight of her guilt unbearable. How long will she be able to shoulder her guilt before she breaks under its pressure? Thus, a story of a different kind begins...  
  
Kagome...Why? Why did you do such a horrible thing? God will never forgive you for this!  
  
Kagome turned uncomfortably in her sleep as dark images entered her subconcious mind. Images of her childhood that she tried so hard to forget about, but to no avail. Her home, her father, and many other painful memories she kept buried deep away from the surface were flooding her dreams. Memories no one would ever know about, not even those closest to her. Memories that would plague only her until the day she died.  
  
What would mother say if she found out? I'm too afraid of the consequences...and I'm too cowardly to face the light of day. It should've been me...  
  
A cold sweat started to appear on her forehead and her breathing became quicker as she was completely enveloped within her turbulent mind. Her legs became entangled in her disarrayed sleeping bag as she tossed and turned.  
  
Kagome...you ruined everything...now you get what you deserve.  
  
"No..."  
  
Don't come near me! I can't stand you! You're a murderer!!!  
  
"I didn't...."  
  
There was so much blood. And it was all your fault. That all goes to show how much you really cared. Pathetic.  
  
"How could I?"  
  
It was out of my control! God, please forgive me! I didn't know what to do!!!  
  
"Father...I'm sorry!"  
  
What's wrong with you?! Why won't you admit the truth?  
  
"Stop!"  
  
If you were never born, It wouldn't have have happened.  
  
"No!"  
  
What a wretched person you are. You merely decieve all those around you. Too afraid to tell the truth!  
  
"Stop it!!!!!" Kagome screamed as she jolted awake, breathing hard, as well as prespiring heavily. Inu Yasha and the others of their group woke up to see their friend looking frightened to the likes of which they had never seen before.  
  
"Kagome, what's wrong? Did you have a nightmare or something?" asked Inu Yasha as he jumped down from his perch in the tree, yawning as he went. He put his hand on Kagome's shoulder then looked her straight in the eyes, "Your heart is racing so fast it might run out of your chest. Tell me what has you so afraid."  
  
"I-I can't! I have to go home. NOW!" she said as she shook his hand off and stood up. She couldn't bear the guilt anymore. She knew if she didn't tell her family the truth, the nightmares would continue to haunt her dreams. The time had finally come, and she wasn't going to run away anymore.  
  
"Keh. Get a hold of yourself! It's not even dawn yet, and we're so close to getting the next shard before Naraku gets it! Why do you always pick the WORST possible moments to decide to go home. Just stay here, damn it!" Inu Yasha growled as he shook her shoulders.  
  
Sango looked at Miroku as if to say 'He's being too harsh towards Kagome.' Shippo was very worried, epecially since he had never seen Kagome look so serious before. Inu Yasha, on the other hand, seemed to be more concerned about their mission...which hurt Kagome even more.  
  
"Just leave me alone. Go find the damn shards by yourself!" Kagome cried as she suddenly ripped the thin silver chain off of her neck along with the Shikon shards and threw it at Inu Yasha. Although the mission to collect the shards was important, she felt she had to give it up. After all, she didn't belong in this time period living another life. At that moment, she felt that her life in present day Tokyo had to be fixed before the Shikon No Tama.  
  
'Inu Yasha and the others would be better off just forgetting about me' Kagome thought as she reached for her backpack.  
  
"What the hell...? Have you totally lost your mind?" Inu Yasha spat as he caught the shards. "What good will running away do? You are partly responsible for this whole mess, you know!" Inu Yasha exclaimed as he noticed Kagome packing her stuff and beginning to walk away."Come back here, wench!!!"  
  
"Inu Yasha-Sama, just let her go. Kagome's family is just as important as our mission. Don't be so cold towards Kagome-Sama. It's quite obvious that something is troubling her, so just let her go for now," Miroku stated, trying to ease the Hanyou's flaring temper.  
  
"Are you sure it's a good idea to let her go all the way back to the bone gobbling well alone? It's pretty far away from our current location, and who knows what kind of youkai can be lurking about at this late hour, just looking to devour any human in their vicinity," Sango chimmed in, feeling a bit apprehensive towards the whole situation.  
  
Shippo wasn't taking the situation too well either as he sobbed onto Sango's warm shoulder. Why was Kagome like this now? What was she so afraid of? Or was she just fed up with Inu Yasha? Or all of them? He couldn't bear the thought of never seeing her again, after all, she was like a mother to him.  
  
Inu Yasha felt a pang of guilt as he watched her retreating form. Perhaps he did go too far. 'Kagome...I'll give you some time to fight whatever is bothering you, but I promise I'll come to get you. Even if I don't admit it, I can't stand being without you,' he thought as he inhaled the cool air of the evening.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"Almost there...Just a little farther...," Kagome whispered to herself as she neared the well. Her heart was racing with her fear and her exertion to get home without being ripped apart by some malicious youkai. The sun was already beginning to rise, so she figure it was about six AM. For some reason she felt a feeling of dread as she had never felt before as she closed in on her destination. Was she afraid of admitting her biggest sin to her family? Or was it something else entirely? Perhaps she felt guilty about leaving Inu Yasha and the others when they needed her the most... She didn't feel the aura of any youkai nearby, so she tried her best to ignore the feeling.  
  
'I'm going home, so there's nothing to worry about...except the possibility of having my only family hate me...,' Kagome thought as she finally reached the small clearing where the well was located. As she climbed over the wooden rim of the well she whispered a sad 'Sayonara.' Perhaps she wouldn't ever come back, not even for Inu Yasha...  
  
*************  
  
"Inu Yasha! I bet you said something mean to Kagome to make her want to leave! How can you be such a jerk?" Shippo cried as he beat his little paws upon Inu Yasha's shin.  
  
"I didn't treat her any different than usual, brat! So knock it off!" Inu Yasha spat as he kicked little Shippo away from his leg.  
  
Sango tried to comfort the distraught kitsune as Inu Yasha mearly pressed on further into the territory of the youkai that possessed a shard of the Shikon No Tama. Even the leacherous monk, Miroku, was serious now that Kagome was gone from their group.  
  
'Kagome...Why? Why did you just leave like that? Is it because of me? I have a bad feeling about all this. What if Kagome was possessed by an evil spirit? No. That can't be it...She seemed so afraid, and she was in a hurry to get home...What's going on inside that girl's head?' Inu Yasha thought as he continued heading towards the youkai's aura.  
  
*************  
  
As Kagome drifted into the blue haze that signified her return home, she tried to imagine how she would tell her family. 'How am I even going to begin to explain that father died because of me back then?' she wondered, as a sad expression appeared on her face once again.  
  
As she felt her feet touch the solid ground in the bottom of the well, the memories began to torment her again...Some memories were pleasant...and some hurt her deeply...  
  
~~~~~~  
  
It was just another rainy day. Nothing unusual had happened, nor anything interesting. A nine-year-old Kagome sat watching the crystaline drops of rain fall and patter onto the leaves of the old tree outside her bedroom window as she waited for her father to return home from his job.  
  
He worked as a police officer in Tokyo, patrolling for the typical violators of speeding, parking, etc., as well as some more dangerous tasks, like pursuing wanted criminals. He was a kind man, but was fairly strict when it came to raising his child. He wanted Kagome to grow up happy and healthy, as any parent would, but he also enjoyed teaching her about things that he was interested in, like self-defense. Kagome loved it when they would 'spar' after dinner every Friday. He even thought of teaching her a bit of archery, since she did live at a shrine, and she reminded him of a Miko he once read about in a novel. Indeed, Shisou Higurashi loved his daughter more than words could possibly tell. And he was soon to have a son to love as well, since his wife was pregnant with their next child, Souta.  
  
At the office in the police headquarters, Shisou was busy cleaning up for the day before he'd return home. 'I hope we're having oden tonight,' he thought as he filed away the last paper.  
  
As he was about to close his briefcase, the head chief of police came into his office and handed him a small square sheet of paper.  
  
"It looks like you'll be getting home late today. The wanted kidnapper, Toji Hidoi, is hiding out at an apartment near the Kanbe area. I just recieved this message from Issei, who is at the site now, trying to convince the bastard to give up his weapons and release the children he's holding captive. He needs some backup, so you better get a move on. I'll send Hisakawa along with you just in case. Better get your gun...you might need it."  
  
"Am I getting paid extra for this?" Shisou said sarcastically.  
  
"Since when do you favor money over saving lives? Now stop wasting my time and get your ass out there officer!"  
  
With that said, Shisou ran out to his patrol car with Hisakawa and sped off to pursue the criminal. He picked up his cell phone and dialed his house while he was in the car. His wife at least deserved an explanation as to why he would be late.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the Higurashi shrine...  
  
"Mama? When is Papa coming home? He's late!" Kagome exclaimed as she finished the last of her oden. She didn't notice the worried look on her mother's face at that moment.  
  
"He may be coming home very late today..." her mother replied in a quiet tone that made Kagome feel a little worried. "Don't worry about it. He's just doing his job. I know he'll be fine."  
  
Later that evening, when the sun had just set, leaving Tokyo to electric lights for the night, Kagome looked out her window, longing for her father to return home safely. Then Kagome suddenly remebered that her father had given her his cell phone number...  
  
"Whenever you feel lonely, or you miss me, don't be afraid to give me a ring..."  
  
Kagome quickly hopped off her bed and went to her desk, picking up the phone.  
  
"Let's see..." she mumbled to herself as she dialed the number. The phone rang several times, but there was no answer. "Where are you Papa?" Finally, she heard a click.  
  
"Hello, who might be calling at such a late hour? Heh, heh..." a man with a raspy voice answered. Kagome could also hear the voices of small children in the background.  
  
"Who is this?" Kagome asked in a shaky voice.  
  
"Just your local criminal...heh, heh, heh..." the man said as he waited for the girl to respond.  
  
"Where's my father? What have you done to him!?" Kagome shouted.  
  
"Let's just say he's knockin' on Heaven's door..."  
  
"I asked you where he is! Tell me!!!" Kagome cried, hot tears now streaking down her ckeeks. Her father couldn't possibly be...  
  
"Your father is still very much alive, little girl...However...he won't be for long, heh, heh..."  
  
"Tell me where he is!" Kagome demanded. "Give me directions, and I'll be there! Don't you dare hurt him!"  
  
"Hah, you are one amuzing child! Sure I'll tell you where we are...You can be one more child added to my collection! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Just tell me when you're ready kid, I'm up for a little game," the man rasped with a chuckle.  
  
Kagome had already sneaked downstairs with the cell phone...the back window in the kitchen was open, and her mother and grandpa were in the living room watching the news...It was now or never. She listened to the man's frightening voice as she carefully went out the window, then ran to get her bicycle. She had never peddled so fast in her life. The ground was wet and slippery from the rain, which caused her to almost fall several times as she turned corners. The bright neon lights of Tokyo reflected off the wet pavement in bright, wavy colors. 'Please lord, let my father be okay!' Kagome prayed as she sped on, avoiding cars and people as she went.  
  
Kagome had followed all of the man's directions until she finally reached a dark alley way with old, burnt out apartments. "You're almost here little lady...heh...now the fun will really begin!"  
  
"Is it here?" she asked, her hands trembling so terribly, she almost dropped the phone. She could hear screaming in the background. Horrible screams of pain...  
  
"Yes...Come on in...heh, heh..." said the malicious sounding voice.  
  
Kagome quickly got off of her bike and walked towards the dank, rotted away apartment. She carefully opened the rusted metal door, and immediately noticed a tall, dark staircase before her. She swallowed a deep breath of air and continued forward up the creaky old stairs.  
  
When she finally arrived at the door the man had described to her, she felt as if her heart would beat right out of her chest. 'This is no time to be afraid, Kagome!' she thought to herself as she reached out for the door knob.  
  
As she opened the door, darkness greeted her, until suddenly she felt strong arms grab her and pull her deep into the room. She was so disoriented at the moment, she didn't know what to do. Then the man threw her to the floor, and the room lit up slightly by his lighter. He then proceeded to light a few candles next to a nearby wall, which was full of cracks and holes. Kagome felt a fear that she had never known was possible to feel at that moment. She almost vomitted at the sight.  
  
There were dead bodies of children everywhere...puddles of blood spread out all over the floors dirty surface, even the cracks of the wooden floor were saturated. Dripping down the walls...body parts everywhere...and in the mess, Kagome couldn't distinguish one person from the next. Where was her father?  
  
"Isn't the smell of death...invigorating? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!" shouted the man. "You can come out now, Shisou-San...heh, heh..." he said, motioning to the a closet in the far corner of the room. Kagome almost wept with joy to see that her father was still alive, but this man, this dispicable person, stood between her and her father like an impassable wall.  
  
"Kagome...why did you come here? Dammit!" her father yelled as he pounded his fist on the wall. His partner, Issei, had been killed after he was forced to call the police department, and of course, lie that the criminal, Toji Hidoi, had been taken care of. Hisakawa was also slaughtered. It was quite a horrible sight...to watch helplessly as a madman murdered all those poor children and his fellow officers right before his eyes, and now his only precious daughter was involved! "If you lay one finger on my little girl, Toji...I swear, I'll rip you to pieces while I'm still alive!" Shisou shouted as he looked at his frightened daughter. His gun had been thrown to the other side of the room during the struggle that occurred when he first arrived there.  
  
Kagome noticed the look in her father's eyes. He was trying to tell her something. Then Toji began to walk over towards Kagome, slowly, holding out a knife that was covered in dry blood..."Heh, heh, I won't lay a finger on your little brat...I'll stab her to death!!!" he shouted as he suddenly lunged towards Kagome.  
  
"Kagome!!! Grab the gun over there! Quickly!!!" Shisou cried as he raced to grab onto Toji. He held him as firmly as he could.  
  
"Let me go, you damn bastard!!! I knew I should've killed you!" Toji roared as he struggled against the man's tight grip around his arms.  
  
Kagome grabbed the gun, which was also dripping with blood.  
  
"Shoot him! Do it before he can get loose and kill you and many more innocent people!" Shisou yelled as his arm muscles strained even further.  
  
"No! If I shoot, you'll get shot too! I can't!" Kagome cried, feeling the blood rush to her cheeks as more hot tears spilled down her face.  
  
"Damn you! Let me goooo!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Shoot him now!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Kagome couldn't think...all she could see was crimson red...all she could smell was blood...her finger tensed on the trigger...the next thing she saw was blackness...  
  
The little girl was found unconscious on the floor with a gun next to her...and the dead body of officer Issei.  
  
The next day, Kagome woke up to see nothing but white all around her.  
  
The police say that he died trying to protect his daughter. What a brave man he was.  
  
"Where...?" she questioned, her voice was barely a whisper. The next thing she knew she was in the arms of her weeping mother. She kept hearing voices...  
  
He sacrificed his life to save his child...He must of grabbed a hold of Toji while Issei fired just before he fell over dead from his wounds.  
  
"Thank God! Thank God you're alive! Oh my Kagome..." her mother cried, hugging her tighter. Kagome couldn't feel anything at that moment...not saddness, not relief, or even pain...she could feel nothing. Everything was a blur. The only thing she knew at that moment was that she was in a hospital, wrapped in her mother's warm embrace.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
As Kagome climbed out of the well, she realized she had been crying. The fear she felt turned to all out saddness as she weeped harder. Her eyes blurred from all the tears as she made her way to her house.  
  
As she entered the house, she saw the light on in the kitchen. Her mother must have been having her morning cup of coffee. She headed in the direction of the soft glowing light.  
  
"Mother...I'm home," Kagome said in a raspy, weak voice, due to her crying.  
  
"Kagome...What's the matter, dear? You look like you've seen death!" Ms. Higurashi exclaimed as she got up from her spot at the table and quickly walked over to her daughter. Kagome hugged her tightly as a fresh new wave of sobs wracked painfully through her body. She couldn't speak! How could she tell her mother when she couldn't even speak?  
  
Kagome's mother led her into the living room and sat down with her on the couch, trying to sooth her daughter.  
  
"Shhh....It's all right....calm down...shhh..." her mother cooed softly, while gently rubbing her back.  
  
Ten minutes later, Kagome finally calmed down and stopped crying. She was ready to tell her mother everything. "Mama...It was my fault..."  
  
"What are you talking about, Kagome?" she asked, now feeling worried about what her daughter was going to tell her.  
  
"Six years ago...when father died, it was my fault. I killed him."  
  
"Wha-" her mother began, but was cut off.  
  
"No, please let me explain! I've waited all these years, too afraid to tell you this, so please...just hear me out mother," Kagome said as she continued to tell what really happened.  
  
One hour later...  
  
"What the police told you...was all wrong. I shot through Toji and killed father along with him. If you hate me, I understand. I'm sorry....so, so very sorry mother." Kagome once again began to cry. She felt huge relief now...she finally said the words she'd been afraid to say for so long, but now her mother would hate her.  
  
Suddenly, Kagome felt comforting arms wrap around her and pull her into a tight hug.  
  
"Kagome, I still love you. I could never hate my only girl...Thank you for telling me the truth. You really have become a stronger person, and I'm proud of you," her mother said as a single tear fell from her left eye. "You were only doing as your father wished. That man could've broken loose and killed both you and your father, and numerous other people. If you really think about it, you're a true heroine. Your father wanted to sacrifice himself to help others. That's the way he was. I don't blame you, Kagome. Never forget that. I love you so much...I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you."  
  
Kagome's Grandpa and little brother Souta stepped out from behind the hallway wall, having heard everything.  
  
"Nee-Chan...I never knew..." Souta said in a remorseful tone. Her Grandpa merely looked at her with pity.  
  
It was over. It was finally all over. Her family accepted the truth, and they still loved her. Kagome cried, but not out of grief, but rather, immense relief. She was free of the burden of guilt.  
  
Finally free.  
  
A few days later...  
  
Inu Yasha emerged from the well with Kagome at his side. He kept his silent promise to bring her back.  
  
"Kagome! You're back!" Shippo wailed as he flew onto Kagome's chest, recieving a huge hug from the girl as she sat down on the edge of the bone gobbling well.  
  
"Yes, I'm finally back, Shippo-Chan," Kagome smiled as she kissed the little Kitsune on the cheek. The others soon followed to greet her.  
  
"Inu Yasha, I'm sorry for leaving like that..." Kagome said as she gave Shippo to Miroku and stood up to the hanyou she loved. "I had to fix a problem...one that was more important than even the Shikon No Tama itself. I'm sorry."  
  
Inu Yasha suddenly reached out and hugged Kagome, not caring if the others saw his unusual display of emotion. "I'm the one who should appologize, Kagome. I shouldn't have acted like such an ass when you were in distress. To me, YOU are far more important than the Shikon and our mission...I mean it."  
  
Kagome blushed deeply as she hid her face in his warm kimono, not wanting him to see her tears. He did care for her.  
  
"Let's go, Inu Yasha. We have a lot to catch up on, ne?" Kagome said, wiping away her tears and smiling up at him.  
  
~Owari~ The End  
  
AN: Whoa....did that get depressing, or what? Or perhaps it was the cheekiest thing I've ever written? At least it had a happy ending ^_^ Tell me what you all think and review please!  
  
Otaku-Chan ^_~ 


End file.
